Exploitation Makes Strange Bedfellows
by Midori Ryuu
Summary: A series of drabbles about pairings that don't quite happen in the show. Warning: crack pairings and strange humor. Read and review, please.
1. Scribble your heart out

Disclaimer: I do not own S-Cry-ed. So no suing. And no complaining to me about the ending.

I must warn you now, these will mostly be crack pairings. Some of them will be funny, some of them will be serious. All of them will have sprung from severe boredom and the encouragement of my weird friends. So don't flame me because of the pairings alone. XD; Please? Oh, and please review, if only to say "WTF are you ON!" Oh, and there will most likely be some OOCness in store.

Let's start you off nice and easy with something normal.

_Ah,_ thought Mimori as she lay back on her bed, suppressing a girlish giggle, _I'm really glad I came to the Lost Ground. It may have gotten off to a rough start with that man on the plane, but the trip's already been more than worth it! _

She kicked her shoes off and let them fall to the floor, then pulled her legs all the way up onto her new bed.

"HOLY doesn't seem too bad," she mused out loud, the day's events replaying in her head.

Her face turned pink and she grabbed the unfamiliar pillow and shoved it against her face to stifle her uncontrollable giggling.

"Oh," she said breathlessly after a while. "I haven't felt this giddy in ages… I feel like I've got a normal life. And like I'm fourteen instead of eighteen. You know?"

It occurred to her that she was talking to her pillow a bit more than could be considered normal, so she flung it halfway across the bed, blushing. Trying very hard indeed to seem dignified, she sat up and grabbed her notebook from the bedside table.

She lied back down, and rolled over onto her stomach, opening the notebook on the bed.

_He_ came into her mind again, and sent her into another, albeit more controlled, giggle fit.

Oh, yes. Seeing him was worth the trip. He had been a real surprise, but one she could be happy about.

Words like "handsome" and "dashing" flittered through her mind, and she absently doodled his name on the cover of her notebook, surrounding it with flowers and hearts and other such frilly things.

Whatever pleasant daydream she was having ended, leaving her with a goofy smile as she looked down at her handiwork.

"Stray Kegger," she sighed dreamily. "What a guy."

Somewhere, Straight Cougar sneezed three times.


	2. At least he's not that Kimishima guy

Disclaimer: I still don't own S-Cry-ed. Sorry. If I did, I'd whore it out something awful, so it's probably for the best.

Getting into crack pairings now. Enjoy, and review. More to come.

Yes, this was heaven. He had his lover. He had his work. He considered himself lucky to have his two great passions in life. Why, few men indeed could lay claim to such joy, especially in this day and age! While so many went through life lonely, stuck in dead-end jobs that slowly rotted away their souls, he reveled in his own private paradise!

Okay, it wasn't perfect.

He was a writer for a children's show on the mainland these days. Something called "The Fuzzle-Wuzzle Schnoogly-Doos."

Honestly, he thought it was shit. After his first day of work, he had decided that if he ever had kids, they wouldn't be allowed to watch such a thing for fear of it rotting their minds into a grayish sugary goo. Or turning them into serial killers.

And he hated his coworkers. It wasn't that they disdained him for being an alter user. No, they didn't even believe him when he told them. They said alter users were supposed to be intimidating and strong.

No, they mocked his hair. The soft, bright, glorious pink afro he had spent his entire life cultivating into a work of art that could possibly rival his scripts! And they MOCKED it! They laughed at his lack of eyebrows, too. They said things like, "Hey, think that poodle on his head ate his eyebrows?"

He tried to share his real work with them, once. Most of them wouldn't even read it. Those who did couldn't stop laughing. His boss… Oh, his boss, that utter bastard, used it to line the cage of that damned parrot who thought it was SO SPECIAL because it was more colorful than him!

Oh, indeed he was unfortunate to work with such cretins.

And maybe his home life wasn't so great, either.

At first, they had been happy, in spite of the fact that his dearest was an overweight, brain-damaged alter user who couldn't say anything other than the word "hammer." He found it charming, then.

But then he got so stressed out from work. And his sweetie got so obsessed with that damn hobby of his… What did those hammers have that he couldn't offer!

And after a while, he started to long for intellectual stimulation. He wasn't asking for Shakespeare. He just grew weary of the one sided conversations…

"I'm working on a new script, honey. It's about a young girl in love!"

"Hammer."

"Alas, the object of her affections is a pimp!"

"Hammer?"

"I believe it will go over well with the critics. It shall be GENIUS!"

"Hammer!"

"DAMN IT, BIFF, IT'S ALWAYS HAMMERS WITH YOU!"

"HAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEERRRRRRR!"

Oh, well. It could be worse. He could be that Kimishima guy.

That guy had the shittiest luck he'd ever seen.

Yes. That was Unkei x Biff. And now that your brains have exploded, ask the person standing behind you to call an ambulance and then write a review while you wait for it to arrive.


End file.
